and yeah it sucks…

depressing really, there’s just so much I wish I could have done, and I so much I wish I would have said to/for my Mother while she was alive… little late now though to have those regrets I guess. I just didn’t think she was going to die so suddenly, I honestly thought she would be around for a lot longer. She was fine Sunday the 15th, I left the hospital around 10:30pm, she was talking, awake, and we were talking about the next day and what she was going to have done medically. I knew she was going to be busy so I told her to just call me when she gets that chance and I would come back up to visit, and I told her goodnight and that I would see her tomorrow. I regret that I didn’t tell her I loved her that night when I left, and I always will now. I went home, did a bit of work and went to bed, then I got the phone call in the morning and she died that evening. They think she had a stroke through the night, she wasn’t responsive at all, she just laid there all day long, not moving, not even blinking…

She was actually getting better until they moved her into that long term care facility for rehabilitation, then it all went down from there and she died because they didn’t do what they were supposed to do for her. I talked to them, they told me they knew the care she needed, it was in her charts etc, but if they did know, and do what they were supposed to do, she most likely would be alive right now.

I don’t know… people tell me to go out for your birthday, take the kids to dinner or something, get your mind off things, but no, that’s pretty much impossible. I just feel like sitting in a corner and crying for a long time actually, but I’ve go things to do so that won’t happen. Keep busy to take my mind off of things, I sure as hell don’t feel like celebrating today

so my 37th birthday is going to be one to remember for sure, not because it was nice or anything, only because it was depressing and sad